How Goose, The Cloak of Levitation, & Friday defeated Thanos
by sudoku
Summary: Or How Endgame should play out. Thor, Nebula, and Groot helped too. Spoilers for Captain Marvel.


-Unbetaed and not a native speaker so please kindly point out any mistakes  
-Warning: Crack, spoilers for Infinity War and Captain Marvel

* * *

Once upon a time, there was a gathering of "heroes". It was the gathering for unusual sorts of heroes, not that any of the heroes were usual in the way they obtained their powers. The atypical sort of heroes were more apt description. They were atypical because there were not humans (I was not a speciesist, I had nothing against any species) as in normal tales the heroes were usually humans except for perhaps Lord of the Rings, The Hobbits, and Narnia. OK, I guess they were not atypical then, they were just not humans (again I was not against non humans). Although loosely speaking you might consider Thor as human and Nebula was half humanoid.

I guess I should go back a bit earlier. You see, there was a giant purple grape (I wanted to say something stronger but I guess your mom wouldn't approve of it) who had successfully decimated half of the universe when he obtained a set of Infinity Stones which were the most powerful objects in the universe. He successfully collected them all. So yes, it was like Pokemon Go at large cosmic scale for homicidal maniacs (that was not a swear word so I was allowed to say it). Why didn't he double the resources instead of halving the population? Well, he was called the Mad Titan, not the Genius Titan or the Wise Titan so there was your answer.

Back to the heroes, it consisted of a cat who was not really a cat but a Flarken (you should ask Aunt Carol what a Flarken was), the Cloak of Levitation (yes, that flying red cape that you were so fond of), Friday (the AI Friday, as if you knew any other Friday), Rocket (you know the racoon who liked to swear and had a penchant for stealing body parts), and of course there were Thor and Nebula that I mentioned earlier.

Thor acted as a translator for Goose and the Cloak as they didn't really possess a way to communicate and Thor understood Allspeak which apparently worked for all species including the Cloak. So the conversation below was actually spoken by Thor when I said Goose and the Cloak spoke.

Nebula scowled. "I know where Thanos is hiding so what are we waiting for? Let's go!"

Rocket also scowled (It was not because I had limited vocabulary but have you met those two? Scowling was what they did best and I believed was their default mode)."Yes, like that last time when you idiots fight them on Titan and lost spectacularly. I was only here because as the Captain, I wanted to get my crew back. They had no excuse to skip work just because they were turned to dust."

Thor clapped Rocket's left shoulder. "My friend Rabbit, we'll get your crew back. I promise you. I haven't fought Thanos the third time. I'll definitely win this time. I'm going to aim for his head."

Friday chimed in, "You can actually aim for his hand. Just cut off his hand with the Gauntlet then he wouldn't be able to snap his fingers." You might be wondering what was Friday's role in this story since she didn't have any physical body. Now you know, she was the intelligence in the group.

The Cloak sighed, "I've tried to wrap myself around his hand as instructed by my Master but he was too powerful. I failed my Master and he was dust now." If the Cloak was able to cry, she (yes, it was a she) would have wailed. "I was actually relieved to be able to join him in the afterlife because he was too self sacrificial for his own good so I need to be there to protect him. But Wong was able to revive me but unfortunately he could only do that for relics but not for humans. Otherwise, I'll be able to protect him there."

Rocket rolled his eyes. "It is not as if he could die or hurt himself again the afterlife so we need to focus on here and now to kick that Thanos' ass and get Groot and the others back. Poor Groot may be so confused right now."

The Cloak sniffed. "My Master is with your crew so he will be able to guide them."

"I agree with the Cloak. The Infinity Beer Wizard Doctor Strange should be able to guide them from the other side. We need to work on this side."

Goose who had been quiet so far finally meowed his mind. "Just point me where to open my mouth to swallow or attack. I miss Fury's belly rub. That purple grape has gone too far and he must pay."

Friday said, "I'm used to my boss and Cap discussing about strategy. May I suggest something?"

Nebula nodded. "I think you're the only one who seems to know how to think in this group. So speak up."

Rocket scoffed but decided to remain quiet.

"You need to divide into two groups. One group is to face Thanos and the other group is to face Thanos' minions. I suggest the first group consists of Goose, Cloak, Thor, and Nebula."

Rocket growled. "How about me?"

"You lead the second group. I know you like to shoot and use explosion so I think it's more suitable for you. I suggest you lead the rest of the Avengers to fight."

"I definitely could lead them. Why were they not in the meeting?"

The Cloak raised her collar. "I called for this meeting. I've witnessed the fights on Titan. It was brutal. I think non-humans might stand a better chance fighting him and survive. By the way, this meeting is secret as the so called Avengers make their own plan and we make ours."

Friday said, "I agree. We don't want to repeat the same strategy the second time. That is the sign of insanity. If Captain Marvel could join the first group would be nice but at the moment I couldn't contact her. We go to find Thanos and deal with him first. Rocket could manipulate the rest of the Avengers so they might think they are going to fight Thanos but they are actually fighting his minions."

Rocket's eyes were bright. "Manipulation, leadership, gun and explosion. I like this plan better and better."

Thor shook his head. "It's sad that I can't fight along with my friends from work and I'm not a fan of manipulation. It's too Loki. But as Friday Starkdóttir said, repeating the same mistake is the sign of insanity."

Friday continued, "I'm glad we agree. So the plan is simple but not easy. Nebula will bring you to find Thanos. The Cloak will need to obstruct Thanos' view so he can't really see what's going on. Thor will need to aim for his head or hand, whichever is easier."

Thor brightened. "I can always do both."

"Nebula also needs to try to distract him although her main purpose is to take the gauntlet and undo what Thanos did. The key player is actually Goose as he can swallow the Gauntlet. So all of you work together to distract Thanos."

Goose meowed again. "I can always swallow Thanos and cough up the Gauntlet."

* * *

You see, the tale of these heroes ended here because this plan worked surprisingly well. Thor managed to stab Thanos' head. The purple nutsack, sorry, the purple grape, didn't die but he was in so much pain so Goose could swallow the Gauntlet. The rest was history as Nebula undid the Decimation. I meant it would be more fun if Goose swallowed Thanos but whatever worked best. Your dad and the rest of the Avengers owed these heroes their lives. I wouldn't be able to tell you this story if it were not for them.

"Tony, it's Morgan's bedtime now. Are you telling the so called Endgame again? That's not suitable for children."

"Mom, I'm six and I'm totally cool with this story. Dad didn't swear or at least he tried to."

Pepper poked her head. "I'm proud of your attempt, Tony." She smiled seductively and winked. "I believe it's also your bedtime."

Tony beamed.

Morgan asked, "Is this story the story we won out of the 14,000,605 future that Doctor Strange saw?"

Tony ruffled her hair. "Honey, I'm not sure. Why don't you ask him tomorrow as I invited him and the rest of the Avengers for a team dinner tomorrow?"

"I will. Daddy."

"I'd like to see his face when you ask this question. Friday, please make sure to take a lot of pictures."

"I will, Sir."

"Dad, if Friday's plan works, does it mean it's actually your plan because she is your invention?"

"That's the billion dollar question. Does AI think for her or himself? Can the inventors take the credit? Like your mom said, it's your bedtime now." He kissed her forehead.

"Good night, sweetie."

* * *

**Notes:**

-Captain Marvel and the rest of the Avengers were not included just for the purpose of this crack after watching Captain Marvel and I love Goose. I also love the Cloak of Levitation hence this fic was born.  
-Feedbacks and comments are appreciated.


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